bloggin while watching the laker game. go LAKERS! boo twolves. what the heck is a timberwolf anyway... do they eat trees? ;)

so ive been doing a lot of thinking about basketball and the nba... and my beautiful fantastic lakers. i get a lot of shit from people about the lakers. stupid haters. y'all dont see me hatin' on your teams just for the sake of hating them. see.. at least i have good reasoning for hating on the kings and blazers - they're (or they were, blazers "were") competition for the lakers in the playoffs. so i can hate on em for beatin' my lakers. it's not a thing like... "boo i hate shaq".. see i have reasoning behind my hatred. anyhoo.. ive been thinking about how i feel like i always have to defend my love for basketball. it's so weird. and ive come the realization that it has a lot to do with being a woman. as a young girl, i grew to love basketball around junior high and no i did not actively collect basketball cards (i do have some... like the KJ and reggie miller ones that i love) but i did not follow stats. i didnt know memorize rosters nor did i care about which college each player came from. basketball was the ONLY sport i actively followed and i really dont know anything about any other sport other than tennis (which i dont follow at all but just happen to watch during wimbledon or the us open)... so yeah in my own books, i would say that i am a true laker fan. only because i did go through those "del harris" losing years with nick da quik and eddie jones. i still miss those guys. i can't name every player and their stats nor if they were picked first round in the draft or not... but i feel like i know a good amount of stuff about the lakers. i just hate feeling like my knowledge is not equal to a man's knowledge about sports. are we really living in a world where women and sports still don't go together? i dont know. i know in my heart that i am a true laker fan. if kcal was played in san diego, i'd be all up on that ... it's hard to follow the games nowadays too (tnt which sucks ass, abc, espn, fox sports, etc etc etc) i dont even know what channel to watch most of the time. but yeah... in the realm of men and sports, i know i dont fit in. but hey i really dont give a shit. seriously. pat and i always get into arguments about the lakers. he has a "quiz" for the true laker fans. whatever. i dont need to take no quiz to know that im a laker fan. but yeah, ive been thinking a lot about this lately. it sucks. the whole "i feel oppressed ... " activity we did in the board meeting really made me think about a lot of other things. the funny thing is that i usually consider myself pretty close to being a "boy-girl/tomboy" in the way that im not truly girly girly... most of my friends are guys. almost all of my closest friends are guys. i get along better with guys. my roommates have been guys for like 3 years almost. i enjoy watching most sports. i dont enjoy hanging out with large groups of girls. im not a real high-maintenance type of girl - i mean, i dont wear a lot of makeup, i dont get dressed up in skirts and dresses all the time. sometimes girls really annoy me with their loud "OH MY GOD" ways... but at the same time, i feel like im very feminine. i love being treated like a girl when a guy opens my doors, makes me feel safe, holds me close, picks me up and gives me piggyback rides, buys me flowers, enjoys my scent... all that stuff. i love shopping. i love that being a girl means i can get all pretty-ed up and stuff... im hella emotional... and you know what i hate??? being the helpless female. like i went shopping today and i couldn't reach the top shelf (like usual... actually like ALL THE freakin' TIME) and i asked this tall guy that walked by to reach it for me. i dont like doing that. maybe just cuz it's like.. why do i gotta be dependent on a guy to help me do something. boo that. haha im complicated.

anyhoo the more i learn about myself.. the more i realize how much i truly do love "ME" and all that is "me" =) okay im done being philosophical and "deep" haha.

go lakers. kick tree-eating twolves ass.

 
okie blogging once again. i really want to start bloggin more often. i dont know why i dont. no time? i dunno.

so im sitting on my bed.. trying to start my gosh-for-sakin' tep hw that i hate. and i just cant seem to find the motivation to do my hw anymore. i have overwhelmed myself in the past hour trying to find a job and ... thinking about what the heck is gonna happen to this living situation next year. argh. i hate this. instability sucks. change sucks. senioritis REALLY sucks. i dont wanna go to classes. i feel like im exhausted and i really dont wanna finish this qtr off.. argh. i need a break and im looking forward to the summer but i need a job. and i guess im being picky cuz i dont want a retail job... nor a food services job. i was excited about this scienceadventures teaching job but positions are already filled. i want to be around kids so im like considering a nanny job? but that just might be too crazy for me. i dunno if i can babysit kids. the good thing about being a teacher is that they go home at the end of the day. i dont know if i wanna "go home" with kids. that just might be too much. argh. so im even considering moving out of this apt for the sake of cheaper rent. should i? i dont wanna look for places!!! i dont wanna move!!! argh!!!! this is all so frustrating. f'real. dammit. argh!!!!!!!!!!!

but other than that... im doin well. im doing great. im happy. adam and i are good (knocks on wood. dont wanna jinx it). it feels like when we first dated... when it was all about "being in love" and hanging out with each other... it's FUN. just plain ol' fun. that's great. im enjoying being around him. we laugh. we mess around and just do spontaneous things like shooting hoops outside his house... eating double doubles at in'n'out... playing croquet in his backyard... just hanging out and being lazy... playing drunken dominos at 2am... eating at rei do gado's in downtown with pat's "entourage"... etc etc etc... it's just "fun" and i love it. just laughing with him brightens up my day...i can't explain it. sigh

i feel good inside. genuinely good and happy. yay for us.

im tired. i can't seem to do anything after officer meetings! dangit. never ever ever.. sorry to say but im not gonna miss officer meetings. after 4 long years of em.. im ready to let that go. =) all day long ive been thinkng about what i wanted to blog about and now i think i should go do my hw. dammit school... you suck !!!

im doing well. im happy. there's a lot on my mind... but im happy. (see i can be happy AND sad too!!! jasmine has more than ONE emotion in her blogs)

i know i am blessed.

 
everything i feel. i feel like avril can sing... out loud for me.

"you dont know me. dont ignore me. you dont want me there. you just shut me out. you dont know me. dont ignore me. if you had your way you'd just shut me up, make me go away. im so unwanted. no, i just dont understand why you wont talk to me. it hurts that im so unwanted for nothing . dont talk words against me. i wanted to show you. i wanted to know you."

"(Cause) I’m feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you’re worth it
You’re worth it
Yeah

If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you... away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Guess, I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say

"It don’t do me any good
It’s just a waste of time
What use is it to you
What’s on my mind
If it ain’t coming out
We’re not going anywhere
So why can’t I just tell you that I care"

Everytime I try to make you smile
You're always feeling sorry for yourself
Everytime I try to make you laugh
You can't
Youre too tough
You think you're loveless
Is that too much that I'm asking for?"


...sigh
i need to learn to write blogs when im happy so then i doesnt seem like im sad all the time

 
just wanted to make sure i had this somewhere to blackmail david someday

shellshocking22: just because i'm a manho

you know you love me. =)